The typical parents of the ALA student are believers who love Jesus with all their hearts. Due to a deep love, these parents are willing do anything for their children, willing to sacrifice everything for them. Though struggling to know God’s will in some areas, these parents are committed to God and are completely willing to follow Him. They have faith in Jesus Christ, King of Kings, but many are still holding on to their troubled child… in vain. Typical ALA parents may be having a difficult time giving their child over to God. Most ALA parents believe in the power of prayer, they go to church, may attend Bible study during the week, and tithe regularly. They have taken their children to church and are determined to raise their family in a Christian environment; yet trouble has come with their teen, and most of them are truly asking, “what went wrong?”

Obviously, if parents are thinking about sending their child to a Christian boarding school for troubled teens, a problem must exist. If there were no problems they would not be considering an out-of-home placement for their child. Still, the question of “why” lingers. “Why us”, they ask? “Why is this happening?” they say. Many surrounding this family ask the same question. Most of the time the “troubled teen” has developed his/her problems over a period of time, and it will take some time to turn the situations around. The solution will require some change in both the teen an the parents.

Most of the time, we find that one, or both, of the parents are “rescuers”. This means that at least one of the parents (soft parent) is taking on a great deal of the responsibility for the child’s poor choices. The child rarely feels the effect of their poor choice because the parent rescues them from the consequences of their actions. Therefore, the child continues to make poor choices. The message the rescuing parent sends the child is, “I don’t like what you are doing but I will bail you out.” The other parent (hard parent) usually tries to compensate for the rescuing parent and by exerting harsh external control, only making the problem worse.

Here is the problem… if the parents are not in one accord on everything as it pertains to the family, the children, and the discipline, the child will find the way to triangulate, causing division between the parents and thus, allowing strife to enter the marriage. If the parents are not in one mind on all areas regarding “parenting”, then the child will most usually find a way to drive a wedge between them, dividing and provoking the parents to turn against one another. In the meantime, the child continues to push the envelope and act out of control. If one parent tends to be soft (inconsistent, and taking on the responsibility of the consequence) and the other parent is hard (holds a tough line and is harsh in regard to discipline), there will be conflict that will make trouble for the entire family. There needs to be a solution, which will necessitate change both in parents and in the child.